Laundry Day! The steps to socialization

Laundry is a weekly ritual for most humans living and socializing on planet earth, especially if they desire the company of other humans while socializing. Everyone who subscribes to the regimen of weekly clothes’ washing has their own procedural steps for accomplishing the task, some more elaborate than others. Now you may think, “Laundry, how difficult is that? “Well when I first returned home from Rehab and was recovering from the BI I had incurred from a craniotomy in 2010, the thought of doing laundry was enough to cause me anxiety of the mortal variety, I thought I was gonna die. So I had to plan it all out like a military operation.

This is mine.

  1. Recognize that I have limited fashion choices, and even less financial ability to alter that fact.
  2. Schedule a trip with Acton Minute Van to take me to the Plaza where the bank is located for the express purpose of purchasing a $10.00 roll of quarters without which no laundry could be initiated.
  3. Go to the Acton Coffee House for a cuppa while I wait for the van to return to pick me up to take me home because why even consider doing laundry in the first place and come all the way down here without stopping in for a not so short visit to socialize.
  4. Once safely ensconced in my apartment I can begin sorting my ‘to be washed’ laundry. I have a large yellow duffle bag that I used on camping and sailing trips during happier times but now use it for the transport of clothing to and from the Laundry Room.
  5. Don’t forget Laundry detergent, keys, cane, pants, and shoes; don’t laugh I’m not the only one who has realized halfway down the three flights of stairs that they have attempted to begin their laundry without proper attire.
  6. Choose an unused machine that is clear of the previous users’ forgotten items of clothing, dirt, and smegma of unknown origin.
  7. Fill the machine, careful to not overload but not so careful as to risk paying another $1.75 for a second machine.
  8. Add the appropriate amount of detergent using the accompanying measuring device thoughtfully provided by the Detergent manufacturer ensuring that the consumer will run out and require the purchasing of more of their product.
  9. Insert the $1.75 worth of quarters and select the proper machine instructions for a color or white wash.
  10. Set the timer on my cell phone to the correct amount of time indicated on the machine until the wash cycle is completed. Nothing worse than forgetting that you have laundry waiting down in the laundry room at risk from the next person dutifully waiting for a vacant machine and finding that you’ve left it too long and your freshly cleaned load is sitting on the folding table and wondering if said table was clean or covered in godknowswhat detritus of the day.
  11. Walk back up the three flights to my apartment door and after greeting Nala, wash my hands and power up my laptop so that I can peruse Facebook while I wait the 35 minutes for the load to complete its cycle. I’m fortunate in that I don’t believe in Fabric Softener, thus relieving me of the additional step of having to walk downstairs to add what I consider is totally unnecessary.
  12. When my cell phone alarm finally sounds indicating that it is time to move my now clean clothing from the washer to the dryer I run through my list of things to not forget: keys, pants, cane, slippers, and of course quarters; without which would cost me an unnecessary walk up and down the dreaded stairs.
  13. Arriving back in the laundry room, finding my clothing waiting exactly where I’d left it inside the machine, I take my yellow duffle bag and lay it beneath the open washer door. I open the dryer door and clean out the lint trap checking for forgotten items from someone else’s laundry and begin to transfer my clothes; but no matter how carefully I try to be or how little clothing I transfer at a time there is always that errant sock or worse, a pair of underwear that falls out of my grasp. Ah-ha but I’ve strategically placed my duffle bag to catch escaping items before they can touch the habitually dirty laundry room floor.
  14. Inserting another $1.75 worth of quarters into the dryer’s hungry maw I select ‘Delicates’ for the express reason of avoiding over-cooking my clothes with unnecessary heat, I repeat the cell phone alarm procedure and return to the increasingly difficult stairs.
  15. Greeting a now hungry Nala, I prepare lunches for us both while waiting the 56 minutes for the dryer cycle to complete. Nala will have her usual Fancy Feast (tuna and chicken) literally the only dish she will even consider eating, and I’ll have a salad and sliced pear with a cuppa green tea.
  16. Once again the alarm sounds and I go through my check list for the final time but with the addition this time of clothes hangers for my flannel shirts.
  17. Down the three flights of stairs, perhaps with a minor limp by now, I arrive at the laundry room and proceed to the dryer I’m using. Again I deploy my trusty duffle and begin emptying my clothes, sorting socks and underwear into the bag, laying t-shirts over the dryer door, and Flannel shirts now on hangers over the adjoining dryer’s door, happily chit-chatting with other laudry-ites who have come to perform their own proprietary laundry rituals.
  18. Bidding farewell to my compatriots, I lay my T’s carefully inside the duffle and grasping the hanger hooks and the two handles of the duffle bag I deftly hoist my cleaned laundry over my shoulder to haul it all up to the third floor, an arduous task indeed.
  19. Nala waits by my apartment door in an attempt to escape out into the wilds of the hallway forgetting that there is nowhere to go but determined to try nonetheless. I always stop her with my cane foiling her nefarious plan. We adjourn to my bedroom where I can now continue the laundry day ritual, the tedious sorting, folding, and putting away of my limited wardrobe under the relentless eye of Nala who watches every move I make. I enjoy her quite company; she has a delightful way of revering me and never tells me that I’m incorrectly processing my tools for Socializing
  20. “Task completed it is now time to retire to the couch for a well deserved nap.” I couldn’t agree more and we take up our assigned sections on the couch and promptly take a snooze.

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