An Only’s Lament

Warning, what follows is a bit dark.
I am alone, I have always been alone, and I will always be alone. Born an only, live as a single, and I have resolved myself to die as a single; there is no alternative at this point. I am too old, too damaged to be appealing to anyone, and to be blunt, too set in my ways to consider allowing anyone in.
It pains my chest to write these lachrymose words but if I do not type them while the feelings are near the surface, I know that I will forget, and they will drift away like smoke or dust upon the wind to disperse without ever having been read.
Alone is not the choice I would have made for myself, it is simply what happened to me along the way. I really did make several sincere attempts to live as a couple, in a loving relationship when the opportunity presented itself but the joinings never took, the mating failed, and I was ultimately rejected.
One union was not a complete failure; I have two kind, beautiful, and intelligent daughters whom I love very much. However, children grow and eventually embark on a life that is theirs to live, and that is as it should be.
There are forces in each of us that determine if we can live as a couple or not. You can try to argue with them, nevertheless if like me, your karma is to be a solo then it is best to seek acceptance and find a modicum of peace.
The trick, I think, is to age with grace, forgive yourself for the things that are beyond your control, and be happy, taking joy when you are able to do so.

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